My Life In Writing

Thoughts for the Day

2010-03-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

A List of stuff:

- Work is awesome
--Might get an Iphone
---Immature people piss me off
----Looking forward to Camden Saturday
-----My luck is pretty sweet right now even though I am slightly messed up in the head at the moment.
------Wish people were more decent
-----Trying to convince myself that i've done the right thing.
----Make the most of life and do whatever it takes to make you happy
---Communication is important
--Ive lost faith in human bonds
-I am happy :)

Pretty Average

2010-03-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

Slightly lost for words today...

Watching my sister play heavy rain I start to lose my optimism regarding my job interview. They still haven’t got back to me. I really hope I get it, the thought of not being on job seekers is amazing, as well as the extra JSA I also wont have to go to that stupid centre anymore

About a month ago I found out that sudocrem is way too white for a cream, like it really does stay for ages. Photos were needed et voila...

Maybe this is the face paint ive been set out to find? Sorry its not red...

Soo anyways, apart from my interview at 10 in the morning (way too early) my day has been bland as a Jacobs cracker. A bit of cheese would have been nice.
Timmy V Jimmy was a highlight I guess as well as knowing that someone was willing to do dirty things for a bacon sandwich...weird gig guy

Maybe they’ll be more to say about tomorrow

Alice needed Hairspray

2010-03-10T08:45:00.000-08:00

I didn’t realise how amazing the cast is in Alice in Wonderland, not only did they have Johnny depp but whoever thought that the Cheshire cat should be voiced by Stephen fry is a legend, an equally good decision was giving the role of the wise caterpillar to Alan rickman.
Okay I would have love to of seen it in 3D but I would never of been able to enjoy a good chat and a double disaronno and coke with my best friend.

Also I have found out that I want to see hairspray more than ever now thanks to my mum coming home from her night out beaming and in fits of giggles over Brian Connerly as Edna. Hopefully o2 will be nice enough to send me a 2 for 1 theatre ticket voucher again? Please o2? Pleeeease?

Note to self:...the risk of messing things up scares you. Noted

I’m really in the mood for writing a poem...but they end up as stupid little rhyming things about hippos so I don’t think I’ll bother.

oh i got a job interview today. shame its at a ridiculously early time tomorrow. i hardly see 10am
Less of an essay today, im quite liking this new format, short and sweet I guess. Half like me...short

Sweet Dreams

2010-03-09T07:09:00.000-08:00

This one day...I was worried
So this morning I was woken up to the lovely sound of my dad decorating the stairway at the gorgeous hour of half 8 in the morning. Now usually this wouldn’t have been a bad choice of timings, however, I woke up grouchy and ready to snap. The reason being I haven’t slept well since January.

It all started with the realisation of actually being genuinely alone. Apart from my boyfriend I haven’t really had anyone to confide in.
I think that my downfall was that disastrous summer holiday last year. I seem to have a problem of making up my mind and ultimately end up making bad decisions.

Choosing to get close to one of my friends backfired resulting in instant social rejection and the worse thing is knowing that i'm still not entirely over it yet...maybe i need to grow up?

After getting over the initial shock of the loss of my strong social network I realised I needed to mend my ways and I found out who my closest friends were and gradually I started to feel better with myself.

The lack of sleep tends to make me quite weepy, especially before bed-time; as a result I have found that having a little cry is the only way to get me to sleep. The worrying aspect is that I’m still not quite sure why I do it. Maybe it’s becoming a habit?

I seem to run some distressing scenarios through my mind causing me to get worked up...
I don’t think I’m in need of any medical help only because I know I can control it.
Maybe I’m just going through a phase of pessimism which usually comes as a shock to people around me as I am naturally bubbly and happy most of the times, I guess we all have bad days (well months).

I don’t want to worry people, but at the same time I want to talk about it. Once again, another balancing act.

Dear Blog

2010-03-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

I need a diary...and here it is:

After my daily computer routine of facebook then emails to facebook to iTunes then back to facebook, I stumbled across the wonders of blogging and how they seem to be a pretty good method of unbottling emotions built up through stress, people and well, anything else. Being a super social, talkative noob face I realised this could be a perfect relief

So, this is my first blog...starting today, 8th march 2010

Whilst turning on the ps3 and watching the green light for a while, my mind wondered...”why do I cry at anything Leona Lewis sings?”

Her songs I find are so amazingly written and performed I can’t help but build up with emotion which resorts in shedding a few tears. I usually use this as a guideline to my true emotions. If I’m happy I will enjoy music and sing along. However, clearly when my mind is not in a good state I do get teary.

It seems that we cannot influence anyone deep down in the end.... Maybe one day...hopefully I might be able to make that person learn how much they mean to me. But until then I shall say “I Love You” s often as I can as in this case, the truth doesn’t hurt.

The human mind intrigues me, no matter how many times something is explained, repeated or clarified, and you’ll find that people have already made up their minds no matter how untrue something is.
With the hitcher talking in the background I still keep checking my phone with anticipation closely followed by disappointment then paranoia.
I just need to talk to someone? That’s all I ask?

I can’t deal with my head right now, It’s got to the stage where I am in dire need of another hobby to keep my mind off...well...my mind.

This all does seem to be helping which is an odd feeling...sitting here on my laptop, in bed with geek glasses on and having it act like a form of therapy is a strange sensation.

What Did You Just Call Me?

2010-03-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

I have found myself walking through life and every now and again getting slapped in the face with a new ‘fashion fad’ label. Now when I was too young to understand the more complex form of ‘labelling’ these were my ideas on the whole thing:

I just thought that there were two types of people. The first being like my neighbours, these were the kind who like to party and find it necessary to turn their music up to ridiculous levels and get blind stinking drunk, then to wake up to argue on their doorstep. I later came to know them as the ‘chav’ breed
Then there were the dark haired, pale faced people who for some reason or another like to wear big shoes, big coats, big belts and big braclets and seem to always look as though they want to kill someone or as if they deserve something better from life other than moping round Camden market looking for a new lip ring or nose stud...evidently I came to know these as the ‘gothic’ type.

Now through my secondary school life I noticed I was changing from the little primary school kid to a teenage girl trying to find some sort of identity. I tried the straight fringe just above the eyebrow which made me look like some weird geeky kid with no awareness as to how they look. As a result, the fringe went and now I was the bare faced year 8 girl getting the good grades.

I don’t know how it happened but I eventually discovered eyeliner...which will later become known as my ‘war paint’. At the time I thought putting a small amount just on the inside rim of the eye looked good, but the problem was, it didn’t last very long, I got to break time and found myself looking in the mirror thinking “woah, what happened to my eyes?” with this thought fresh in my head, the concept of more is better was invented.

By this point I needed a fringe, it was just getting stupid...so along came the side fringe, ponytail plus mega amounts of eyeliner. Oh yeah, I wasn’t looking good. Gradually this new word ‘emo’ was appearing, and mainly directed at me. In all honestly I haven’t been one for trends so I didn’t have a clue what this ‘emo’ thing meant, but I carried on as I was.

The day of the black hair dye: “let’s just do it”
There is was again...this ‘emo’ word?

Maybe the hair dye was a bad idea, and this bad idea left me with the worst looking hair style on the planet and this was going to be my first impression to my new ‘friends’ (hopefully) at my new school.
Just to clarify, this ‘emo’ phase had moved on, finally I thought “great, I should be fine now”.
The return of the straight fringe, now just above the eye, and later to be MY trademark. Just to add, i am extremely attached to my fringe, its a bold statement and i love it, anyways, back to what i was saying...I think it was one day in physics when i heard “Hey Scene Kid!” and the labelling was back.
I have now realised that since that point the only way to stop the reoccurrence of this name tag is to cut my hair, delete the war paint and just blend in with the population...now tell me, wheres the fun in that?
I am finally comfortable in my own skin.
Scene Kid? I'll shrug it off with a smile.

"Tell me, apart from my hair, whats one other thing I do which could vaguely be characterised as scene/emo?"

Exactly...

And honestly, to this day I still do not understand fully what a scene kid/emo is...